PORTWENN GAZETTE 7/18/2013

LUCHA MOVES ON… WHO CARES? ROCCO MOVES IN!

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In a stunning move by Mayor Chris, not 24 hours after Lucha the bird’s move to the town of Bespin (who, if anyone cares, is quite happy there, see below), managed to surprise the entire town with the roped off area preparing the arrival of ROCCO the HIPPO.

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Those that know Mayor Chris have heard the tales of Rocco. Over ten years ago in the town of Avalon, Chris (under the assumed name of Shotty) and Rocco would hang out, help each other get projects done, and generally make life better for the residents. They were best of friends. Chris was devastated when Rocco had something come up and had to skip town. Even in Asgard, Rocco came and went and Chris missed it… All of that is in the past… ROCCO IS BACK and BETTER THAN EVER!

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Portwenn has entered a golden age. Now Rod and Camofrog just need lured here to our wonderful town.

UPDATE: For those that care, the Mayor went to check in on Lucha and he appears to be very happy in his new home.

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MAYOR CHRIS HOLDS IMPRESSIVE COLLECTION OF PICTURES IN NEW MUSEUM DISPLAY

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If you happen to visit the second floor of the Portwenn Museum, you’ll notice a new display that has an impressive collection of portraits of the town’s villagers. Mayor Chris didn’t want to comment, but there is question on where the Mayor obtained several of the pictures, as residents don’t recall giving them to him. Strangely enough, resident Roald the penguin, is the only picture missing from the gallery. We caught up with him for a comment:

“I told Chris I would try to find a picture, b-b-buddy!” He told us, “I’m still looking! It must be hidden under a barbell or something! I just did 500 pushups and my arms are feeling the burn, though, b-b-buddy!”

Also on an unrelated note, over 3 million bells have seemingly vanished off of the accounting books, as well as at least 3 loans of 1 million bells each two the towns of Bespin, Kingdom, and Wisteria. Mayor Chris didn’t have a comment. His secretary Isabelle did have this to say,

“I’m sure Mayor Chris knows exactly what he’s doing!”

Longtime resident Kabuki, whose portrait was added to the museum after the above picture, also had a comment, “I’m sure Shotty… er… Chris… will take care of things. I’ve known him for years, and I’ve never known him to screw a town over, gaijin dog! Well, except for Asgard when he left. Also, I heard some nasty rumors about Avalon and Abydos…. Hm….”

WHERE’S THE POLICE STATION, PORTWENN?

As if he can’t catch enough flak, Mayor Chris has been questioned about the seemingly obvious exclusion of a police station in Portwenn. At first his excuse was that no one had really asked for it, but lately, after it was requested, his secretary Isabelle has even been seen with Chris scouting for a possible location for the station, coming up empty handed. Could this be connected to the rumor that Portwenn’s economy has a drain plug pulled? The Mayor insists that we will have a police station and that it was just a matter of finding the right officer for the job, as the town could only afford one on the payroll…

CAMPERS CONTINUE TO MOVE ON

Portwenn has had an assortment of campers visit the town since Mayor Chris built the campsite over a month ago. Strangely enough, all of the campers have expressed interest in moving to Portwenn, but for one reason or another, they would simply vanish. The Mayor always made a special trip to visit the campers. Is there a connection? In memory of the visitors to the Portwenn Campground, we present these photos in order of visitation:

 

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[PUNCHY IMAGE REMOVED]

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